The Long Con

After setting up for myself the impossible-sounding goal of writing a novel a month, I changed my mind this summer. Partially because I've just been way too busy with a number of more immediately pressing projects, but also because I've been chewing over exhortations from fans to write longer novels.

I know, I know, the whole point of this was to write pulp fiction, right? Short. Sweet. Punchy. In and out. Wham, bam, thank you ma'am, now go buy the next one. Classic dime novel headspace. Immediacy, action, results. But you know what? I'm going to give non-brevity a stab. Some of the short novels I've been working on all year are going to end up being long novels, doorstop-sized tomes that the kids of today seem to love. [Update, 12-30-2017: It didn't happen. Undomesticated is about the same length as my usual novels!]

One of those novels is The Tract of Blood, a sort-of sequel to The Moleskin Checklist. Another is the "great American werewolf novel" I've been hinting at since last winter. It's called Undomesticated, and concerns a Florida funeral home director who gradually becomes aware that werewolves, for lack of a better word, walk among us. But are they the classic horror-movie werewolves, or something more akin to zombies or... feral humans?

Of course, writing stupidly longer novels takes time. It took Ralph Ellison almost his entire lifespan to write two novels and they weren't even particularly large ones. And time is a luxury I scarcely remember these days, what with all the other little nothings I do that hopefully add up to something. But I've always held to the maxim that when you find you have bitten off more than you can chew, increase your effort and bite off even more.

And now, if you'll excuse me, I must go feed the cats.

- - Jeffrey Scott Holland, The Everglades, Florida, 10-29-2015.

"Flinging Soup in the Face of Darkness" now released as limited-edition paperback!

The second RV & OI novella from Jeffrey Scott Holland, Flinging Soup in the Face of Darkness, has arrived!

The story concerns the tiny adventures of a pair of eccentric street buskers calling themselves "Retrovirus" (RV) and "Opportunistic Infection" (OI) and has the added virtue of being based on a true story. (You can read about the real-life RV & OI and their homemade tape and indie comic book empire here.)

Unlike standard JSH Book Club selections, Flinging Soup in the Face of Darkness will not be available through Amazon and will be released in print format only, each copy handmade with rather primitive and lowbrow production values. Each book will be a unique art-object unto itself, held together with string, glue, gum, tape, and who knows what else. Each and every copy is signed and numbered by the author.

Flinging Soup in the Face of Darkness is approximately 50 pages long and costs a mere $9.99 postpaid. Order copies directly from the JSH Book Club at our mailing address. The four volumes will be eventually collected into one greater compendium, so these individual editions are strictly limited!

The RV & OI books aren't for everyone. In fact, we're not entirely sure who, if anyone, they're for at all. But fear not: more traditional JSH fare is on the way. The Invisible Ranch (a weird western), The Tract of Blood (the sequel to The Moleskin Checklist), Transmissions from Agent J (a collection of texts that skirt the line between dream-journal and autobiography), and Matilda Heron (a dark historical romance) are all coming in the future!

First of the RV & OI Novels!

Water Towers Look Like Martians, the first of a projected series of four "RV & OI" novels (well, novellas, really) by Jeffrey Scott Holland, is less than two days away!

The story concerns the tiny adventures of a pair of eccentric street buskers calling themselves "Retrovirus" (RV) and "Opportunistic Infection" (OI) and has the added virtue of being based on a true story. (You can read about the real-life RV & OI and their homemade tape and indie comic book empire here.)

Unlike standard JSH Book Club selections, Water Towers Look Like Martians will not be available through Amazon and will be released in print format only, each copy handmade with rather primitive and lowbrow production values. Each book will be a unique art-object unto itself, held together with string, glue, gum, tape, and who knows what else. Each and every copy is signed and numbered by the author.

To be officially released on March 31, Water Towers Look Like Martians is approximately 40 pages long and costs a mere $9.99 postpaid. Order copies directly from the JSH Book Club at our mailing address. The four volumes will be eventually collected into one greater compendium, so these individual editions are strictly limited!

(Meanwhile, the next "real" JSH novel is likely to be the weird western epic The Invisible Ranch with a projected release date of June 25!)

"The Alternation of Night and Day" now available in paperback and Kindle!

At long last, Jeffrey Scott Holland's The Alternation of Night and Day has been released in both paperback and Kindle ebook formats! Originally announced in November 2013, the novel had originally been intended to follow closely on the heels of The Bartender and The Seventeenth Island but became a casualty to the yearlong lull during which the author moved to Florida and became distracted by warm weather and Wicked Weasels.

The story, set in 1936, concerns Louisville welterweight boxing champion Daniel O'Corbin, who in a short span of time is confronted with personal and professional woes: his erratic girlfriend walks out on him, and his boxing manager pressures him to throw a fight and ruin his perfect unbroken string of wins. Some unexpected visitors try to convince him that perhaps a trip to New Orleans to visit a voodoo priest might solve all his problems.

"The Devil and Daniel Boone" Valentine's Day giveaway!

It's a new JSH Book Club giveaway!

On Valentine's Day, a lucky winner's name will be drawn to win a FREE copy of the print edition of The Devil and Daniel Boone, the first of the neverending series of peculiar pulp-fiction lowbrow literature-objects.

As with last month's Moleskin Checklist giveaway, all you have to do to enter is send a DM (direct message) via Twitter to either @catclawtheatre, @jshbookclub, @telecrylic or @schachtons.

This edition is already destined to be a collector's item as all JSH Amazon/CreateSpace books will eventually be replaced with in-house hardcover versions.

If you already entered in the Moleskin Checklist drawing, your name will automatically remain in the hat for this one!

New JSH Book Club Merchandise

An entry from the JSH Florida blog Report from the Florida Zone:

Hey, kids, break open those piggy banks! There's a whole raft of new JSH merchandise available, and much, more coming on the way!

The one I'm most excited about is the set of The Bartender poker chips. You could stock up on these and play an actual game with this handsome poker chip created by Chip Lab in Tampa, Florida, but we prefer to think of them as currency for the next civilization, or one of those "commemorative minted medallions" you used to see on TV offers. Display them in your man cave as an Objet d'art, have one matted and mounted as one would a rare coin, put them away in your safety deposit box for hard times, or keep one in your pocket as a good luck charm when you hit the casino or strip club. This limited edition chip is anointed with J. T. Dockery's striking artwork for the book's cover, and is sure to increase in value over time.

Then we're offering playing cards bearing that same Dockery cover art. You can play some high-stakes poker with them (using, of course, our Bartender poker chips), treasure a framed one in a place of reverie and contemplation as one would holy icons, perform acts of divination with them as if they were Tarot cards, or invent your own Pokémon/Magic Cards style game utilizing them.

Then there's the Toulouse-inations travel mug, bearing the graphics for the original stage production's theatrical poster:

And the Toulouse-inations t-shirts, available in both "men's" style and "women's" slim cut:

Like my good friend Gene Simmons of KISS, I'm an unabashed fan of over-the-top merchandising and marketing. As the great man himself once said, voicing disregard for the portions of his fan base who disapprove of aggressive salesmanship and showmanship: "I think it's cool to see my face on a lunchbox. It's fun. I'm doing this for me. You don't have to buy one."

If you buy any of this stuff, contact me and I'll reward your diligence to the cause to which we are all so devoted, by gifting you a FREE JSH Book Club e-book of your own choosing! (Send me a pic of yourself holding said item and I'll even tweet about what a High Grand Super-Double-Titanium Meritorious monster you are!)

Hundred Dollar Word Hoard

The JSH Book Club is now a genuine book club! Send $100.00 and you'll receive, each month for a year, a different slab of slop from the swamp! If you already own some of these fine deathless works of intergalactic literature, just let us know and we'll be sure to omit them from your schedule of twelve volumes. If you already own it all, you'll get each new book as it is released (just know our schedule sometimes moves in geologic time.)

This offer only applies to the print editions of the books at the present time, but members will receive bonus surprises, including advance ebook editions of new impending titles. Since the average JSH paperback retails for around $12.99, the book club membership therefore offers you an amazing savings of.... um... of... well, whatever, you do the math. But it's worth it. And when Wakeling & Harbour eventually unveil the line of hardcover editions (someday... probably...), you'll have the option of switching over to those if you prefer - which will be an even greater deal!

Send check or money order to our snail-mail address, or Paypal us at catclawtheatre@gmail.com! This offer is only for U.S. mailing addresses!